ayueedigoshi

MBTM BACK ON!!

2007-11-14T23:19:20Z

Seriously!! If I were GAY I WOULD MARRY THIS GIRL! Aisha my sister of the soul has just confirmed that I can't live life without her. The story in a nut shell: when I was planning out Man behind the mask, because i'm anal like that, I wrote it all out in my red journal specially bought for that story. (yes I like to color coordinate things. Because she is my soul twin I took it to her dorm and showed the finished plans to her. She didn't like the ending pointed out several things that I agreed with until a new Idea for the ending came to mind. Changing the ending in such a big way required making small changes all the way back to the beginning of the story so I just bought a new journal and copied everything with the new changes and ending. I showed them both to her and she loved the new ending and I loved it as well so I took the plans and started writing the story. I totally forgot she had the original plans before I changed them! She just sent me a message cause she found them in her room. What this means for MBTM Fans

Aisha and I are going to finish MBTM together. I always bounce ideas off of her anyway so really it's kind of just making it official. She's going to finish the rest of the mapping using my ideas so that it can get done quicker. Then we're going to shoot from there. If all goes well the next update should be out in a week or so. (thats being slightly optimistic but today is such a brilliant day)

In the meanwhile MBTM is going to be moved to her journal without the block on it and re advertised. All new updates will be there on her journal as well. If you wish to re read it go ahead it will probably kill time while we're in planning and writing mode. Or you could read the project we've started together before this new development, we will be finishing this story as well.

A summery of this project:
Subject: The New World, H/D OMC/OMC with mention of H/G & D/OMC , WIP
Title: The New World
Author: slashxqueen ayueedigoshi
Rating: NC-17
Chapters: 3/30
Pairing(s): Harry/Draco OMC/OMC, With mention of H/G & D/OMC
Warning(s): H/s , D/s, some light BDSM, dub-con, rape,
Summary:
Harry: After defeating Voldemort and becoming a national icon a person might think Harry Potter's life is set. They couldn’t be more wrong, everywhere he goes he is followed by the flash of cameras. His daylight is haunted by the media nothing in his life kept secrete or safe not even the rather sudden and mysterious death of Andromeda Tonks. Now at the age of twenty two, suddenly finding himself a parent to a four year old boy and struggling to hold onto his sanity, the worst happens. The ministry wants him to give up Teddy, and he knows someone out there is pulling the strings but he can‘t figure out why. Forced to either give his beloved godson up or flee, who ever thought Harry would take the advice of a Malfoy? The decision he makes is not only crazy it might just save both their lives.
Draco: After Voldemorts fall Draco had nothing more to loose, and nothing to gain by staying in the wizarding world. Hated and an outcast, rightfully (in some peoples opinion) blamed for Dumbledore’s death, and seen aiding the Dark lord (never mind his obvious duress) in his seventh year; it is obvious he can no longer stay in England. The only thing holding him back was the stupid hope that maybe now that their were no more sides, that there was no more war a pair of green eyes might look at him without such clear marks of hate. When Harry Potter became engaged to Ginny Weasley he knew it was time to go. That was three years ago. Draco is quiet happily (thanks to his mother) living in the states. L.A. is nothing like the London scene. For the first time in his life Draco is free to be himself without social or political restraint. Who cares about green eyes anyways, he was never going back to England so hw would never see Harry again.
Drew: Twenty three years of living, four of them spent on perfection only to have it dashed away as if none of it mattered, had convinced Drew Peerson that he just had to stop taking on charity cases. He was a sucker for a big pair of puppy dog eyes and look where it had gotten him. He should just ignore the strange British man on the side of the road, the last time he had picked up a stranger…
Hayden: Every wizard knew standard American wizarding law. No magic or mention of wizardry in front of muggles unless they signed a contract with the ministry and had official approval. To bad his choice of loves was both muggle and had ancestors deeply involved in the Salem witch burnings. It just wasn’t going to happen, it was better that they had separated. At least Draco understood what it was like to miss a pair of Shining green eyes.

Four men hoping to leave their pasts behind them, bravely face wizarding (and muggle) life in L.A. Their paths are about to collide, and their worlds are sure to change.
Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling, Bloomsbury, Warner Bros., and Raincoast Publishing. No profit is being made from this website. No copyright infringement is intended.

For more extensive summary and to read follow Visit:
slashxqueen

So yes there's the big news. We will be finishing MBTM together as well as finishing The new world. We've kind of hinted at maybe remapping from scratch TDK from the point of what we already have on my journal but nothings official on that yet.

Back from the dead

2007-11-10T08:46:10Z

Hello every one. Well after dealing with some family issues that I really thought was going to end my writing for all time, and also dealing with some spiritual emotional issues...I'm back from the dead it seems. Now here's the bad news and a lot of you will probably hate me cause I am kicking myself believe me.

Two things happened during my struggle with whether or not I should continue writing slash/arguing with my family.

1. I decided to give it up.
2. I threw away my hard disk full of all my plans and completed future updates.

Which means now that I have come to my senses thanks to the loving council of my dearest friend Aisha, It's nearly impossible to finish TDK and MBTM. it would take re-planning everything and rewriting and re editing which can be done but it will take weeks of time that with school and work I just don't have right now.

I have already wept at my own stupidity, prayed for a time machine to take it back, and agonized over how many people this will disappoint and or make mad at me. As a reader and lover of fanfiction I would be majorley ticked at myself right now. The only thing I can say is how truly sorry I am, and that life is never easy and sometimes we don't always ride the downs as well as we would hope. A lot of things were going on in my life and still are and I'm just as much human and capable of making stupid mistakes as my characters.

Some Good News: While I was away this summer and didn't have a computer I was forced to write in a journal. In this journal I had mapped out a story arch for a fiction I had planned to start after the other one's were finished. Since all of the data for those one's is Gone I am going ahead with this project. Well that's my sorry tale in a nut shell and once again I am incredibly sorry for this, I feel like I lost my baby or something.

Stories and Links

2007-08-26T20:57:27Z

First off sorry to all those whom I have not had a chance to befriend or answer questions. I went away for the summer and have not been near a computer until now as i mentioned before. I really don't have a clue why Lj acts up for some of you and not the rest. I ask that you make the effort of friending me and I will do my best to befriend all those who have friended me while I was gone.

IF and only IF that doesn't work and you still can't read the stories please respond in a comment below. I have on a disk ready to attach to an email.

MBTM all the way up to the last update. (keep in mind the latest update should be here tomorrow and this will not be included.)

& LOTF the complete story.

If you would like me to send you an email with either or both of these attached to it please respond with your name and email. I will try and get these out as soon as possible.

BACK

2007-08-22T14:19:26Z

HI EVERYONE.

It's been a long long time hasn't it. Well I have some good news. I am back from the wilderness of summer camp. As much as I ennjoy kids spending an entire summer away from my computer in the middel of nowhere with them can make a girl REALY miss computers. Oh but thats the rewards for sainted Camp Counclers. (we should get paid far more)

It's been months since an update I know but I am working on a new one for MBTM as we speak. I've had months to simmer up ideas it should be good.

How was your summers? Hope it was great. See you in a few.

Delay

2007-05-01T03:16:50Z

Due to me being way to busy and a host of friends stopping by and inviting me places and not letting me refuse. (gotta love them) I have not finished the next chapter of TDK expect an Update soon keep checking but it's not coming TODAY MONDAY THE 30th!

General Update

2007-04-25T20:43:45Z

I'm so happy I finished that last chapter of MBTM two days ago. I really like it if it's not too bold of me to say so. As I mentioned at the top of the chapter the next chapter of TDK is coming Monday. after I got back from Joe's with V and a couple others I sat down and did this video.

I have one issue to bring up that bugs me a little. Why is everyone so cut throat about Hp shipping?

I had a girl tell me I wasn't a true H/D shipper because I can write an H/Lv, H/G H/Hr H/R fic!

Lol as if to say that I had commited some grave crime! Ok I understand pairing Harry with the dark lord could offend some peoples sensibility's it offended mine for a while thats why I enjoy MBTM it's such a challenge to write a scenario where Harry could be with him but to not completely fluff it till you totally loose who LV is!

But to have some one screech at me that Harry can't possibly be with HERMIONE!!!!!

Bullocks! It's my story lol, and my challenge! If I want Hermione to be a sea goddess who needs Harry to free her I can darn well do it! Lol whether or not that makes a good story is the real challenge and it's a challenge I happen to love!

As for Ginny there is TONS TONS you can do with their story and it's a shame so many fan fictions are the same and present the same arguments. Why not a slightly angst Ginny. Why not have Ginny be brazen and bold and a character we can enjoy! Maybe then more people wouldn't want to strangle her.

I've read so many H/g fanfics that literally give no support for their relationship! Well because its canon is a sloppy way to write if you ask me. Jk gave sufficient reason for Ginny's attraction to Harry and thats good writing her error was in Harry himself who never showed an inkling of returning those feelings until the sixth book itself...well ok he showed some brief flashes in the fifth but what guy doesn't notice when a girl is hot!

She does an amazing job lol whether she realizes it or not of putting undercurrent emotions between Harry and Draco. their relationship is hot and explosive and on edge and that just makes for better stories.

H/G is great for stories about commitment, longterm love and that pastel pink version of love most girls dream about.

H/Hr is great for that girl next door, I fell in love with my best friend, type of romance that is so cute in the movies. Nothing wrong with it and can be even quiet enjoyable to read and giggle over. I sure have and I do enjoy reading those types of stories. Making those types of Videos and I am in full support of Hr/Ron in Cannon!

It's all in what you're in the mood for, and how well the author can present the idea. I love H/D as you could already guess probably just as much if not slightly more then I love H/G and enjoy both stories, both plot lines.

But it can easily become insipid. H/G can be to surgery, too quaint, too simple, and frankly just boring!

on the other hand H/D Can be trashy (why is Draco all of a sudden a whoreish sex god and Harry can cuss to make a sailor blush with no reason behind it?), too much angst (oh dear god can the both of them be turned into such Emos! And I have emo friends whom I love, but sometimes Fic H/D makes you want to shoot them both!) , too unexplained ( there is no reason for Draco to wake up one morning and decide to have sex with Harry, I wanted a story not a random series of sex scenes!) and just like H/G too overdone. The same general plot line with the same twists and turns with the same general outcome!

The moral of this long ramble? lol. It's completely ok to enjoy a good story. To support more then one ship. In the context of the book I'm cheering for Ginny. Face it the Girl has drive! Draco's character is too underdeveloped as he is now. I would hate it if he and Harry were together. The fact that he has such potential doesn't make him right for Harry as a charicter as he stands now.

Ginny is fully developed and I happen to like canon Ginny. (most of the time sometimes I want to hit her but thats no different then real people you take the good with the bad.)

But give me a pen and paper and a choice and I'll take develop Draco till he can't develop anymore! I like the idea of them together and if it were my book they would be. Since it's not I won't make a fuss and I'll simply enjoy H/G as it is.

lol and in my spare time I'll enjoy H/D as it could have been!

My last point to encourage shipping tolerance! *wink* Is that as much as we slashers would like to carry our banner all the way to Jk's door step and demand Justice for the injustice done to the slaughtering of Draco's character we hardly have beat each other up about it.

Lets not call each other names, or as Misty1123 on Hpslashlover's blog so nicely did to me, lets not condemn each other to hell for even proposing that Harry and Ginny don't make the worlds most horrendous couple!

Think about it ladies and gentlemen only a few of us can claim to be homosexual (I sure am not) and think about your lives and who you might end up with. It's sensless to bemoan R/Hr or to call it stupid or unfounded or god forbid unromantic and unreal. Love is not a sugary poem sometimes peopel *gasp* deny what they feel. They argue they fight and can only seem to manage to just barely tolerate each other.

And yes they do eventually sometimes wake up and get married like everyone around them figured out years before. Lol it's real, it happens I've seen it therefore Ron Hermione is a completely valid couple and if you don't like that why are your reading HP?

People do fall in love at first sight and have long term crushes. People do go through stages, and it sometimes takes their crush ages to figure out what they really want. IT HAS HAPPENED! I can swear to this! H/G is neither horrendous nor unfounded so in short quit BITCHING!

If you don't prefer canon shipping well thats your own prefreance and lord knows I respect it. I prefer Draco to Ginny most of the time. But i am not going to clutter up some poor persons author Page with flame about how their story is trash because Harry can't possibly be with...GINNY!!! OH NO!!! DRACO *GASP* and HEAVEN FORBID LORD VOLDEMORT ACTUALLY NOT JUST BE BORN A SADISTIC BASTARD! After all it's completely inconceivable that something in his life might have affected him!

Ahem...well this turned into a rant lol, but a completely valid one. I might start a community about this subject.

Anyone against Fiction flameing join the resistance! lol maybe I won't take it that far but please show a little tolerance and a little tact towards each other! It isn't fun if we're petty about it.

P.S
Oh and I just made this video, be warned it's H/G! puke if you must but don't tell me about it! *winks* If you have some valid criticisms or insight to share by all means share it but if the thought of Ginny gives you hives and you feel the need to condemn my wretched miserable soul to the fires below lol then please restrain yourself!

Writing Schedual Update

2007-04-24T03:35:06Z

Next Update for MBTM: Tonight
TDK: Monday

while your waiting I discovered you can make videos with your SIMs game. (well I knew that i just didn't know people were making music videos.) I found some neat Harry Draco ones.

This one is really good. It's like watching a fan fic! Yeah you will probably be sick of this song but lol it seems to be real popular on youtube.

Ok this one just had me laughing my arse off!

And this one was so sweet...*sighs* I think Draco Malfoy could have been the best Character in the books. J.K really dropped the ball!

CHANGE IN PLANS!!!

2007-04-15T01:34:45Z

Alright I am going to try my hardest but my next Chapter of TDK may not be up on schedule.

The reason why though is so amazing that I am not even sad about it. I'm a little sad for you guys but not too much because this is something you can do to.

This Spring I am helping on the staff of the Nationwide movement to let our Government Know that we want something done about The war in Uganda. To prove that we're not just a nation that fights terrorists when they hit us where it hurts!

In Uganda their is a 26 year old war between the Government and its people that is ripping their nation apart. Imagine if you lived in a country where your children had to travel miles in secrete every night to find a place to sleep where the "Rebels" Won't find them.

If their found or caught Children as young as five are forced to carry weapons and literally become solders. No, isn't an option for them, no means death! In the Documentary Invisible Children you hear a young girl describe watching a fellow child be stabbed to death after refusal. Thats child's play compared to some of the other stories. About children from five to 16 (they are lucky to live that long) who march. They are given a quota, Kill 20 and we wont kill you.

Needless to say the Psychological damage done to the ones who reach adulthood is disgusting. In the video a woman talks about how an Escapee once told her that if he didn't see blood he would get Headaches. They turn innocent Children into monsters.

Oh but it gets worse and worse. They fear the Rebels and they cant seem to trust their Government Either. In the most heinous and ridiculous effort i have ever heard of the Government Orderd that all its citizens evacuate their homes and move into these camps which don't even have buildings there just lots of land miles from food or water. The people are forced to register and stay there piled on top of each other.

The idea is that anyone not in these camps is a rebel and is therefor open game to be shot down or arrested. But would you stay in a place where what little watter you can find is diseased, their are no real police to stop murder rape and violence your food is covered in flies and and dust. And 1,000 people die a day from disease and dehydration.

1.5 million people in Uganda were displaced by this system. Those who werent still have the rebels to fear who make raids everyday abducting children murdering men and raping and killing the women.

THIS IS REAL TERRORISIM! Not a threat we can hear but cant seem to see in Iraq!

The American Government has looked the other way though becuase lets face it people. Human nature says Why should I care unless they kick us in the teeth like on 9/11. Haven't we learned not to wait when Tyranny rears its brutal and ugly head?

Three American boys with a camera and a heart went to Africa. What they saw Changed their lives and they started the Invisible Children movement. I may not always believe we Christians have the right of things but these three inspire me to tears! Go watch Invisible Children The documentary they made with their camera. They came back and started showing their video in local high schools and it was so powerful and gained so much notice now a couple years later they are the leaders of an official organization holding events and rallies every year talking to world leaders, shaking hands with presidents and setting up schools and safe houses in Uganda.

One child (the one crying in the beginning who's brother was shot and killed by Rebels) Jacob they became particularly close to in their video they paid for his schooling and for him to come to America now that he is sixteen. These boys are not even twenty six weren't even 24 when they started and look what they have done!

Now You and I can help too. I made this promo vid using footage from their movie and their web sight! Check it out and join Displace me!

The youth of America are stirring we've had enough.

Watch and see what you can do to help and support.

Man this song....

2007-04-05T18:06:45Z

Man this is an oldey but this song caught at my heart strings. Maybe because of my currant frame of mind and my sudden confusion over M and V it caught at my heart strings. I met Christine for the first time in the flesh and she is such a lovely girl! *Sighs* which is in fact part of the problem she seems like a little girl to me and I know part of that is the fact that I seem to have developed a craving for her man and my nineteen to her sixteen seems like a plus to my favor.

M called me and I was sooo happy to hear from him M is amazing. We've been together for four years, we grew up together we're best friends before we started dating, he's my older brothers Best friend as well we have this amazing girl/boy next door relationship. It's like talking to another brother sometimes though. I love that about him and don't want too loose it and I know I would because really if I were him and my girlfriend was fixated on someone else I'd be "just a little" hurt.

And eek I keep going on about it but I need to solve this and solve it fast! Its fast becoming obvious. My friend Mer, looked at me strangely and was like. "Do you have a crush on V? wait don't you have a boyfriend back home..."

And then M called me again right after Chapel and it was kind of freaky but in the background he was playing this song (he's a big MCR fan). I shivered and it was making me feel so guilty I almost cried....

When you go
Don't ever think I'll make you try to stay
And maybe when you get back
I'll be off to find another way

When after all this time that you still owe
You're still, the good-for-nothing I don't know
So take your gloves and get out
Better get out
While you can

When you go
Would you even turn to say
"I don't love you
Like I did
Yesterday"

Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating
But baby when they knock you
Down and out
It's where you oughta stay

And after all the blood that you still owe
Another dollar's just another blow

So fix your eyes and get up
Better get up
While you can
Whoa, whooa

When you go
Would you even turn to say
"I don't love you
Like I did
Yesterday"

Well come on, come on

When you go
Would you have the guts to say
"I don't love you
Like I loved you
Yesterday"

I don't love you
Like I loved you
Yesterday

I don't love you
Like I loved you
Yesterday

*Sigh* I felt like he was telling me to just out with it and confess. Maybe thats what I need. Confession is supposed to do wonders for the soul. Maybe I should just call him and confess that I just don't love him like I did yesterday.

But then I second guess myself and think about what life would be like without him I don't think I've spent a day since I met him when I was four without him in my life!

*sighs*

Writing Schedual For the month of April.

2007-04-05T17:26:06Z

Hello Everyone As I mentioned in my Everyone thank V post I am now going to place my self on a strict schedule! I may change some things as time goes on so look for new schedules.

On the 9th Look for the first chapter of my first ever Maurders era fic. I don't think this will be a long one its Sev/Sir/Remus centered. Its kind of a romantic comedy with some angst thrown in. (its Severus how can there not be.) (also anyone willing to do art for any of my fics please let me know!)

Onthe 11th I shall post one chapter of MBTM.

On the 20th I shall post one chapter of TDK.

I have stressed continually that I am always open to conversation and it doesn't have to be about Hp either. Lol Discussions are always so wonderful.

I will have daily journals after all this is a journal so if your at all interested in hearing me ramble on about my life and my thoughts lol you can come and talk to me anytime!

Everyone thank V.

2007-04-04T16:23:22Z

First of all thank you everyone for your insight and understanding. Especially sparkysama4662, kokuyouseki, tfqfmb , and kitsune_tails! Writing is too big a peace of my life and my spirit for me to ignore. And not writing even if only for sixth months was even more depressing then feeling alone! lol. But in all honesty you have V. to thank. I realize my last several posts have been confusing probably I keep switching from talking about my Boyfriend to talking about V which i guess mirrors my currant state of confusion. V is a guy I met on the Oklahoma trip. My boyfriend is M. I left M and the rest of my friends to come to this school and met V and all my new friends and now I'm one confused girl.

V is so easy to talk to and so down to earth I presented him with my problem and was totally expecting "You write about GAY PEOPLE!! *GASP*. He's studying to be a pastor after all. Actually I was kind of hoping he would do that it would give me a reason to stop dwelling on him! But no...there is a reason I am dwelling on him, and its because even when he doenst agree or doesn't understand a lifestyle different then his own he seeks to understand it and then make a judgment.

*sighs*

He says that he noticed me scribbling in my journal and the poem I shared around the campfire told him already I was in love with words and imagination more then anything and that it was important to me. He said he could tell I wasn't a vindictive person and my heart was open to others so my being open to understanding other people was no surprise and that yes I spent way to much time holed up by myself but that happens sometimes. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in one thing we love we forget the other things. He like some of you suggested I make a schedule for what I wanted to do and when I wanted to do it. Limit myself as it were to one or two chapters a week however much I thought I could handle.

But not to give up on it. He loves Christianity and thats why he wants to be a preacher but sometimes it gets so skewed by other mankind, by the media, and by misconception. Sometimes it becomes confusing and all consuming and he wonders if he has it wrong and he shouldn't be so tolerant of other peoples sins. The class work, the volunteer work, church, youth group Pcm it consumes his time his energy his thoughts and leaves him burnt out and a whole lot more confused then when he came in.

But he said that every time he opens his bible and reads about a love so deep someone would be willing to die for someone who might or might not accept that love. All he asks in return is that we show the same love and try to show the same purity.

*grins* He says he fails miserably at that but I don't think so. So in short I'm still confused as to why when I have a perfectly nice boyfriend who is a good man I sigh over a man I've only known for two weeks and who's heart is otherwise engaged. But I do know as frustrating and addicting as it can become I cant give up on what I love. I havent decided just how much I want to update per week and when but I'll let you know. I'm even now kind of getting this urge to make a story out of my trip to Oklahoma.

lol see what I mean! Everything in me screams for me to write I cant escape it but I can monitor it so that I don't burn out like a candle either.

Thanks again guys for your support and your advice. I'll post Update dates when I decide them.

6 month break

2007-04-04T01:58:07Z

I'm thinking of taking a sixth month break. I'm tired... just plain tired.

Tired of being consumed by this, it has left the realm of fun and has become addiction.

I think about it 24/7 planning and plotting and all in the hopes of satisfying some inner need for companionship.

And really thats stupid how can I expect strangers to feed my sense of self worth. It's something I need to figure out on my own.

I'm not being fair to my boyfriend and I'm not being fair to myself, or my God for that matter. My attention is always divided. there is always only half of me. I wondered why I was having such a hard time making friends at my school and Why I was so lonely all the time.

I was so lonely and down trodden I litterly check My live Journal for updates every twenty minutes in the hope someone is talking to me! It gives me a warm glowing feeling to know somewhere out there someone is thinking of me...

but it's fleeting. And when it stops I get unhappy and depressed...

Thats just stupid.

Then I went to Oklahoma and suddenly I was connecting with people right and left and I met "him" and I feel like if I run towards it I could be happy. And I was running towards it and I had the time of my life!

And then we got back...the school swallowed us...

Class after class boring monotony... A quick hi in the hall is all we have time for...loneliness returns in full force.

And then he calls me...I CANT BELIEVE IT... they are all calling me during the day wondering what I'm doing inviting me to hang out in between and after...

except... There was that chapter I wanted to write... It makes me feel so good to write them but soo much better when people enjoy them. So much in fact that if people don't say they are like a frightened self consiouse little girl I worry that no one likes them and I fret and my entire day goes down the tubes and the lonelyness just gets worse.

So I make up excuses, I lie! And I sit in my room and I type.

no wonder I made no friends before Oklahoma! I'm carrying around this secret, this shame that I cant tell anyone about so I feel separated from them all and I'm sitting in my room watching them go by and wishing I could cast it away and join them.

I love writing so much though, so I cling to it franticly looking for that one someone who will say something that affects me so much I glow and glow and it isn't fleeting its eternal!

And then I think about some of the things he said to me and I start to smile and something warm in me flares to life and I push away from my computer and walk into the hall to join them.

I've had enough, it's pathetic of me to depend on a stranger a person I can not see to feed my ego. It's pathetic and i'm becoming a whore for a comment.

I can be so much better then this. Yeah I love writing but I used to write on scraps of paper and giggle over it with my sisters and never have to show anybody. I was happy, I could put my pen down and run outside and live life! It was about me, my thoughts my feelings my imagination and the joy it brought me simply because it was mine.

Now it's about...did i do well? Did they like it? Why are the same people commenting...why did only one person comment this time...why wont somebody talk to me...

I cant stand people like that and I've become one. I need as corny as it sounds, time to find myself.

To find that happy go lucky girl who's god was all she needed, who danced around a campfire and made her teammates laugh,who easily made friends and thought loneliness could be so easily avoided.

The girl from before I came here. The Girl from Oklahoma.

The common denominator in both those girls is I wasn't posting my stories online then.

Hopefully finding my own stability will only take six months heck who knows I could grow to not actually need to do this at all which I sad I really enjoy this but it's becoming more harmful then helpful. It could take longer...

In all honesty this is about quiting altogether...it's just that thought makes me so sad I love writing these stories. The world I created won't die it's always in my head and in my heart swimming around up there waiting to be scribbled on a piece of paper.

But thats as far as it will go.

So I tell myself lets start with sixth months.

I haven't fully worked up the courage to drop it but it's a very close thing. My life seems to be calling and I'm sitting here debating on whether I can stand to join it. Because I'd be leaving my heart behind.

I used to be able to share my little stories and poems with my mom and my church friends and my family. That was a big part of my youth and I guess thats what I miss most. As soon as I started writing slash I knew those days were over. But my school friends were ok with it so I switched to sharing with them. It's not about me just handing them a story "hey did you like?"

It was about fellowship and knowing something I said touched them. About my gift being a blessing to them and being blessed by their smiles and somebody saying something silly that had us all on the floor laughing.

Then I switched schools and I lost even that. I thought I'd be ok, I thought hey there are some really cool people out there who always comment and they are so down to earth you wish you knew them for real and could go out for coffe` and just connect.

but it's not the same. It's not the same, if I were writing a fantasy story about a guy and a girl liking each other I could share it with my new friends, my family and I wouldn't be sneaking around and lying to my roommate and crying when only a few people comment.

Its not the same as being confidant in who you are and what makes you happy. So confidant you can be happy reading a book by yourself or even on the rainiest of days. So confidant in your own ability that even if you update seven times and only receive one comment your just as happy as if you received a hundred.

So confident that when you know that you like someone and that someone else isn't right for you that you go for the one who is and don't settle just because your afraid to end up alone.

Maybe I'm just rambling...Maybe i'm over reacting...

Maybe i'm searching for a reason to stay...

Or to leave...

well lol anyway what started out as a simple ask your advice letter turned into my usual deep bog of emotions. lol. Maybe my Bf is right and I'm just too complex.

Birthday ponderings...

2007-04-03T04:07:41Z

Hey everyone My birthdays on the 15th this month. I'm so excited... My mom and all my friends and my Bf,keep asking what I want. well I thought it would be simple to write it all down and woa it turned into something really deep. lol.

As I approach my 19th birthday and all my friends are asking just what I want for my birthday...

I have to stop and wonder. What do I want.

Oh a number of things....

I want a never ending supply of chocolate that wont go strait to my hips.
I want a bar of lavender soap and scented bubble bath.
I want to give it to Harry and watch the show.
I want a new Bible mine has seen better days.
I want a new cell phone.
I want to lock H/D in a closet somewhere and watch fireworks!
I want to know someone is thinking about me, and loving me.
I want to wake up and know the sun is going to shine and even if it's not that someones going to be there to smile and bring the sun home.
I want to look in my mirror and see a woman who's not perfect and not a classic beauty but who smiles anyway. She'll blow a kiss at the mirror because the world is hers and she's young enough to still see that it is.
I want no more hunger for anyone, so that when I click on my tv i dont see haunted eyes asking me... why?
I want answers to all life's questions.
I don't want any answers I want to walk around in a cloud of innocence like I did when I was a little girl and the world seemed so big and beautiful.
I want my boyfriend to call me beautiful not sexy.
I want him to be content snuggling on a couch or watching dumb shows with me or debating whether Harry should be with Ginny or Cho.
I want him to not be able to resist touching my hair, or my hand, or my arm and to catch his eyes on me even when it embarrasses him.
I want him to pretend like he's all that to empress me AND be able to laugh at himself when he fails because he knows I love him anyway.
I want my boyfriend to blush when I say maybe Harry and Draco are secretly gay and should settle their quarrels in a closet somewhere.
I want my friends gathered around me all of us in sweats and short shorts and tank tops, a bowl of popcorn in our laps giggling when Ron and Mcgonagald dance.
I want Chelsey to tell me I'm crazy when I say i'm a S/S shipper and point out all the reasons S/R is better.
I want us both to end up in a pillow fight like little girls when we cant come to an agreement.
I want my first kiss all over again.
I want my first time to be with my husband and for my boyfriend to understand that.
I want the freedom to fantasize about it in great detail in freedom.
I want the war to end, I want Wes and Charlie to come home so my heart doesn't race every time I watch the news and I don't wait on nails for calls and letters just so I know they are alive.
I want the Jesus I know to be the Jesus everyone else knows. Somehow he got lost and shoved in a closet.
I want the freedom to stand up in class and say, "You're wrong"
I want him to forget about her, I don't even know her and she sounds like a beautiful girl but 16 and 22... it's too far apart when I want you.
I don't want to want you so much when I'm committed to somebody else.
I want to go back to Oklahoma where it was just me and you and the gang and the memory of her was far away and he wasn't in my mind.
I want to go back to the campfire where you roasted me a marshmallow and put it together for me so I wouldn't burn myself and winked at me.
I want to go back to the sleeping bag we spread out and laid on and talked so deeply and so long I thought you were touching my soul and you were touching mine.
I want to go back to the night when I got such terrible news and you were the first one to notice I was upset and you held me.
I want to go back to the campfire where I made that joke about seeing my future in the fire and everyone laughed and you blushed and winked at me.
I want to stop dwelling on you so much.
I want to go to the SDR and not look for your face and when I see you not to long for Oklahoma.
I want to see my boyfriend and not wish he was more like you.
I want to erase the time you called me and said you didn't really know what you wanted anymore and hung up. The next day she was on your arm and I was with him and we were both smiling.
I want not to depend on other people so much to be content in myself and to write solely for myself and be happy that it means so much to me.
I want to share my writing with the world to see their faces as they read to laugh and talk it over with them like I did with my friends.
I want to be back at my old school with my friends and I slung arm and arm and Aisha pestering me about when the next chapter was going to be done and what was going to happen next.
I want the joy of bouncing ideas off of them, and having us leaning against walls in laughing fits and my boyfriend walking up to us and coming up and giving me a kiss on the cheek and I'm so happy with my world if he asked I would marry him right then and there.
I want no more pain. For me, For anyone.
No more lives torn apart.
No more broken hearts.
I want the loneliness to fade,
the bitterness to abate,
Someone to care...
Jesus is my sole happiness I know, and he is.
But sometimes I just need a smile from you, a hug... a hello...
I want someone to tell me moving away was the right thing to do, that boyfriends come and go that if I wait long enough you might remember that night we had by the pond when we skipped rocks and I got you laughing so hard you fell in.
I want you to remember you were so comfortable with me you lent your head on my shoulder and laughed as you told me your most embarrassing moment.
I want you to remember how it feels to be held and to laugh so hard you start to gasp and wheeze.
I want you to know you look beautiful gasping an wheezing and that I have your laugh memorized.
I want to remember those moments in chapel when I felt so close to god I could fly and Amy's arms were slung across my shoulder and Erin was grinning from ear to ear and I knew I had made the right choice in coming here.
I want to remember Oklahoma when a little Indian girl wrapped her arms around me and we sang Jesus loves the little children...red and yellow black and white...and in my mind I added old or young, killers and victims , straights and gays...Jesus loves the people of the world.

I want to remember the time I told you all of that and was afraid you were going to tell me just how wrong that was and that it was ungodly to think that way. But you just nodded and smiled and told me "Jesus does love everyone anyone who says differently doesn't have the message right." I think I fell right then.

I want to remember the time we started to debate and you got so passionate about abortion I thought you might hit something, how you said everybody deserves a chance at life. How you said your sister had been raped but life was life and your niece was the most precious gift your family had ever received and you just couldn't understand taking that away.

I want to remember How even though you felt so strongly against it when we went to the clinic to hand out bibles you took that Indian womans hands in your own and smiled at her. You did not judge. You never said "I'll pray for you" like the self righteous. You asked her if she would like a prayer and what about and she prayed that her mother would understand and you bowed your heads together and you prayed for understanding and you weren't ashamed to cry.

I want to remember how the other guys on the team didn't tease you for crying but everyone admired you and felt so happy with life and at peace with things that we all could have flown without wings that day.

I want to remember how afraid I was that this was going to be like all other missions trips, close while on the trip but when we get back the world slowly takes over and now we barely say hi.

I want to remember that I forgot to call you yesterday and tell you how my day went and you cornered me in the hall and teased me about it.

I want to remember that I made ten wonderful friends who care more about loving people then judging them. About spreading the true words of Christ instead of ones that make us look good. That I'm no longer lonely when I walk down the halls missing my family, friends and boyfriend.

I want the courage to tell him it's over and to look towards you.

I want the wisdom to know thats foolish and that you belong to her.

So I guess out of all that what I want most this birthday is...

I want nineteen candles and my only wish on them will be that the world and I will know what It really means to love.

Awsome Video it's a must watch. (And I MEAN THAT!)

2007-04-02T18:03:28Z

No there is no slash it's pretty much canon but it's not romance centered anyway so unless you have something against Harry potter in general *winks* you should be fine. It's just an emotional tribute.

For a full description behind the vid go to You tube. Song is Held by Natale Grant. COMMENTS are sooo welcome!!! I made it myself!

Too All those confused.

2007-03-30T20:11:34Z

Ok some of you are confused as to where the chapters start after AFF cuts off. Some of you can not access these chapters. For a while I have been just as confused as the rest of you wondering why the link worked for some and not for others.

BEHOLD I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT!

If you do not do two of two things you will not be able to read my stories! it will say it's forbidden!

One you have to make your own Lj account and be signed in to it when you want to read!
Two once your account has been made you must Friend me!

When I accept your friendship the locks on my story will go down and you will have complete access!

The following link will take you to the first update after where Aff ends. To read all the other chapters after that you need to just go forward in my journal. If you click next entry and it's something else other then LOTF thats ok keep going on to the next entry. I have other stories and just plain old Journal entries on here as well. Keep clicking next entry until you find each chapter. I am already on the fifth chapter of LOTF's sequel so hurry and catch up. (Lol)

http://ayueedigoshi.livejournal.com/11292.html#cutid1

The link to TDK chpter five is here: http://ayueedigoshi.livejournal.com/19591.html#cutid1

Calling all Artists!

2007-03-27T16:24:31Z

Alright I want to post Lord of the fae on other sights and I would like their to be pictures to go along with the story. Sadly my genius *winks* runs out after I have the story on paper. I can not draw for my life. I want to draw other people to the story and frankly my art would scare them away! So I need some one who can draw to do it for me. Do not worry you would receive full credit for your art work I would hate it if some one stole my story and called it their own. If you have the free time and want too could you commission severel pictures for me? If yes then reply to this message with a yes and an example scene. I'll let you know if I think it's what I'm looking for.

What I need for examples...

Draco in fae form

Harry in fae form.

I'm back.

2007-03-25T16:00:10Z

WoW! I had the most amazing time! Let me tell you it was the best the first week and a half I didn't even miss my computer! Although if I'm honest the last couple days my mind kept straying to TDK and all its plot lines. Hee heee Guys I have some surprises in store! Man my brain was on TDK overdrive I already have it's ending planned and the plot lines for the last in the Trilogy even a possible Title! But thats getting ahead of ourselves. First we have to finish this adventure. See you in a few better get too it.

Tdk:newest update http://ayueedigoshi.livejournal.com/19591.html#cutid1

TDK chpter 3

2007-02-22T04:03:29Z

~~~~6:00 pm Ireland~~~~

He was nearly full grown, and deep inside him he knew his time was near. That the time for the change had come. No longer could he stay beside the young one and protect him, Or Guide him for that matter. He felt a flash of amusement rumble in his belly as he flew over the plains of forest in the gathering evening. Draco for all his cleverness was ignorant when it came to fae magic.

Well there was no reason why he wouldn’t be, the child was part human and made his home in their realm. It was for this reason that Slyfer King of Dragons great and terrible beast of the open sky had humbled himself and taken on the form of a mere lizard. The fae realm was tearing itself apart at the seams, destruction and desecration swamped the land. Those who were old as time as he was rememberd a time of peace. The time of Dragon king. The time for his human foolishness was over, as soon as Shea had revealed to him and the old council that kin of Arthurin the last of the dragon kings had survived and lived in the human world.

Shea had made it her personal mission to trace the blood line, Draco Malfoy was the last male alive who had any right to be Lord of the fae. Whether he had the sense to survive, and the magical ability was another story. It had become imperative to keep Draco alive, who better to protect the future king then his Dragon. Slyfer had taken on this form for the boys sake.

He had also given him dreams of the fae realm so that as his destiny caught up with him he would not be overly shocked. Not that he fooled himself, Draco was in for a good bit of shock. It was his and Shea’s job to make sure that Draco survived and took on his rightful crown of king, whether the boy liked it or not. The problem was he already knew Draco would not, Harry was a complication. Slyfer almost wished Draco had not discovered his mate till after he regained his kingdom. The fact that Harry was earth, that embracing his destiny would mean putting his children and mate in danger was going to war against everything in Draco‘s nature.

Slyfer hissed a thin sheet of flame snaking from his mouth. He would not let it matter. He could not.

He was worried, Shea was supposed to have talked to the Earth clan elders those she felt she could trust. Then she was supposed to have opened the gateway and met with him here. That was days ago.

If Shea died all would be for not. She was the only one who knew where the Dragon crown was, and under fae law the only one with the power to crown the next king. Shea was as old as he was if not older, she had seen many centuries pass on this earth had crowned many of it’s kings. She although not of Dragon blood had also fled with Dragon fae kind during the slaughtering. What better way to insure their was never another High King if they killed the person with the power to crown him?

Where had she hid for so many years? All fire fae had the power to become Phoenix.

He had felt the Gateway between the realms shatter open today. It had quickly been repaired but from the outside in. A fae had entered the human realm and none too neatly.

“SHEA…” He called to her sending his voice and his power seeking her presence.

For a moment he was only met with silence. Then a weak flicker of an answer responded.

“Always at your beck and call am I Slyfer, Great king of beasts?”

He had never been so glad to hear her insolence. “ well what kept you?” He snapped rather enjoying the way she never differed to him. All others feared him, Shea treated him as if he were no fiercer then a kitten. A thing he would never admit to anyone he rather enjoyed.

“I was in the thick of the slaughter of many Earth fae. My entry was rather shaky less then my usual perfection.”

“perhaps you lost your touch spending so many years with the old wizard.”

“Is this the thanks I get for my sacrifice? While you were laying in wait in an egg I was surrounded by the most inept and foolish of humans. Teenagers are a breed unto themselves, no matter my affection for Merlin his schemes were at my expense. It was not all a waist however I did meet some interesting young people. One in particuler A young man destined to save Merlin’s people, wizard kind.”

“Do you mean Harry Potter?”

“Yes, you might want to look into him Slyfer his fae magic is almost as strong as Draco‘s. He has earth leaking off him in waves. The first moment I saw him I knew, he was destined to be Draco‘s mate. When all of this is over we must bring the two of them together.”

“Already been done.”

“WHAT? Slyfer tell me you jest! As boys they hated each other, how did they come together?”

“Part of Harry‘s destiny was coming together with Draco. In time the destiny you say you foresaw sprang to life. They are very much together with two children.”

Slyfer actually felt Shea’s moan of frustration in his core.

“Slyfer this complicates things. The fact that he is human is reason enough for the people to reject him as king. With Harry by his side they haven’t a chance. Fire will kill them both before they have a human as a king and an Earth fae for their Makata. The same but in reversal for earth. All fae will have reason to hate them for their humanity. That was obstacle enough now this! Never mind the added weakness of younglings, children do not belong in battles but there is no way to leave them in the human realm by themselves unprotected….”

Slyfer chuckled letting her ramble in her frustration. “We can do it, even one as feat brained as you Shea can pull off a few war games and a crowning can’t you?”

“Merlin help me!” She muttered.

Slyfer laughed his tongue flicking into the air tasting her arrival on the wind. “The old man is not here to help you now Shea. We have work to do are you near.”

“As soon as my body rejuvenates I will awaken and come to you.”
~~~~~~~**Meanwhile 3:00 AM Japan**~~~~~~~~

Half way around the world Ron Weasley found himself unable to sleep. He had woken hours before with an indescribable feeling jarring his senses. These feelings, this sense of offness gathering in his core had been plaguing him for some time now. It gathered in his core, gaining strength and momentum with each moment. He had left the bed he shared with his husband and captain and wandered the halls of the castle that had brought him his life.

His dressing gown was royal blue , and it whisperd about his body like sigh as he walked slowly down the halls not really caring where he ended up. He was dressed like a king, the robe was soft velvet and the pants beneath them made of the softest of silks, and Hiaro told him it offset his Titian hair beautifully, Ron was not ashamed to say that even he King of so many could blush like a school girl. Despite his position he did not feel like one! He still felt like that same poor boy who scrabbled for bathroom spaces in a running down farm house held together by the grace of god and magic!

His council had so much honor and pride they expected a kind of royal propriety from him and Ron was sorry to disappoint them. He just wasn’t elegant and graceful and well mannered. Oh he wasn’t a blundering Ogar but Tomaji, Hizen and the other elders made it obvious they did not like their Miraza` and their Shodan chasing each other when they thought they were alone. Leaving important meetings at odd hours of the day to be with each other. The distraction in both their eyes when they were in the same room, the way they seemed to speak without words and drive each other to further distraction.

Ron felt a grin sneak onto his face. That was just too bloody bad for them. He loved Hiaro to the point of distraction and that was just that. He wasn’t going to love in silence either, he loved like he lived and that was bold and out loud.

Some one was approaching from behind he sensed his thoughts and emotions just before he heard the mans footsteps. One of the Earth Kings more useful abilities was reading the minds and hearts of all men. The very fact that this particular mans heart was both open and closed to him told him who was approaching even before arms wrapped around him from behind and Hiaro whispered in his ear.

“Don’t you know by now it’s not wise to leave without your second?”

Ron turned clasping him closer breathing in the sent of his coal black hair, the sent that was so male and unequally him. “I’m sure Tomaji and the others will scold me in the morning. Are you going to scold me too?”

Hiaro’s grey eyes twinkled at up at him from the darkness the only light the flickering of the castle torches. They sent shards of deep red playing and dancing in his hair, Ron didn’t bother resisting the urge to play with it’s dark strands. “I might consider it, but not for leaving our bed to wander like a ghost. I’d scold you for keeping things from me. Something’s bothering you, didn’t you promise to tell me all things Ron?”

Ron sighed moving away from him, Hiaro was far too observant he should have known he couldn’t keep anything from him.

“If this is about the Scotland campaign I wouldn’t worry. They can not be any harder to win around then the Americans a more stubborn and bold lott I have never seen! After them Scotland should be easy.” Hiaro offered, but Ron shook his head.

“I’ts not the campaign, that although not a cake walk is actually easier then I had thought it was going to be. Oddly enough it’s not dazzling displays of power that win them over they seem to like me as a person. I don’t get it, I wouldn’t want someone like me for a king. Take away the new fancy cloths the big castle and the sword and I’m still just a backwoods kid from nowhere with a funny accent and food on his face.” Ron shook his head sitting down on a nearby stone bench, amusement at the image he painted of himself in his youth bubbling up.

Hiaro came and sat beside him his own white dressing gown gapping open a little revealing bare skin beneath. Ron glanced quickly away, he had a lot on his mind things to consider, now was not the time for distraction. Even Hiaro’s.

“Perhaps the people are tired of rulers who lord power over them. Who speak with oily tongues but no real heart behind it. Think of all the rulers of myth and legend, these are the rulers that people secretly desire were in place. They are men of strength and honor true but rarely are they born into power. They start out simple, farm boys, peasants, nobodies. But they become something great because the heart is there. King Arthurs sword did not make him a king, it was his heart. King David was but a Shepard boy with a sling and a few stones. Who better to rule the people then someone of the people? You Ron have never known a life of power and privilege so you come into the throne with the peoples best interests, their fears, their wants already in mind. Because they are yours as well, people see that and it pleases them. It would please me.”

Hiaro’s soft words wrang of truth, Ron was always amazed at the wisdom Hiaro could show, and the next moment the foolishness. King Arthur, every child of Britain wizard and muggle alike knew that story backwards and forwards. True muggles thought it a fanciful if wonderful myth, the story of a simply farm boy who took a sword in hand and became king of Camolot. A man regaled for his honor and his nobility. A man betrayed by friend and spouse a man who’s dream crumbled around him. Nevertheless a fair and good ruler, even if a bit tragic. Wizard kind new a little better it’s truthfulness, they knew at the very least that the Wizard Merlin the most powerful and first of all wizards had been there from the beginning of time until wizards were established all over the world.

Arthur… He had been studying the Lore for three years now. As Miraza` Hizen insisted it was his duty to know as much about the Lore he had sprung from as possible. Most of it was rules and stories of things he didn’t understand and if truth be told bored him a little. He would much rather be with Hiaro or their son. He struggled through them though, Hizen was right he hoped never to meet a fae head on. Harry when he was angry was frightening enough a full bloodied fae would be something altogether stronger.

So Study it he had and one of the first things he had learned was that everything he knew about Arthur was completely wrong. Well the basics of his story were still there. He had in deed been King of a land who praised itself on it’s peace and it’s honor. And technically speaking this land was in Britian. Arthurin Eärfalas, had in truth not even been human. According to the lore when he was still a Prince he would travel into the human realms to train with Merlin. It just wasn’t smart for any king even in times of peace to flit about unprotected so Arthurin would guise himself as a young human boy of no account

Merlin was the voice of Human kind in Arthurin’s rule and very much his teacher and his guide. Much of the legend surprisingly had survived, Arthurin in deed fell in love with a beautiful and kind young woman. A woman that Merlin warned him against wedding, he did indeed anger Morgana and set his own destruction in motion.

Ron frowned, he had set his entire races doom in motion. He knew that the Miraza in the past had dealt regularly with Merlin, and the Dragon kind so that Human and fae kind could continue and coexist in peace. He knew there were no more Dragon fae, therefore could be no more Dragon kings.

But what does that mean for the fae realm. Face it Ron something’s got you jumping in your skin. Something wrong and it’s just crossed over into your court. Whatever’s going on in the fae realm just crashed onto your side of the field.

But how was he going to act in the best interest of his people when he had no idea what was going on?

Then get an idea, just don’t sit there thinking about it. More action less thought Weasley. He berated himself. He actually felt his cheeks pinkin a little, he couldn’t believe it his own head berated him and he flushed in embarrassment. He was no king of mythical legend with untold power and assurance. Maybe Hiaro was right and that was just what the people needed. Less dazzle and more reality. The reality was he had no idea what he was doing but he’d be damned if he didn’t give it his best!
“I don’t remember speaking aloud my desire to strip away that robe of yours Ron and making love to you until you’re too tired to worry me with your pacing and wandering. So what has you flushing?”

That just made it worse.

“I need to speak to Severus, he’s better at sorting through politics and effects then I am.” Ron said trying to ignore that the notion of letting Hiaro do that sounded better every second.

Hiaro nodded, “He’s visiting Harry at the moment. I could send a messenger to fetch him back or we could go to them. It has been a year since we have seen him last. Athelus would enjoy seeing his God father again and little Rowen. I would enjoy watching the joy on your face when you see your friend again. We could take Gabriella with us she enjoys Hogwarts and coming here in the summers but I know she misses Danny. ”

Now that sounded like the best idea he had ever heard. “Perfect go ahead Caption and handle the details. I myself am going to the Libriees I want to know as much as possible about things before we leave. I think it might help in the long wrong.” Ron agreed coming to his feet.

Hiaro frowned after him, “You’re not going back to sleep. Ron this is the third night in a row you aren’t going to sleep.”

“I can’t it’s like there’s some kind of warning bell screaming inside me and it’s very hard to ignore even for sleep. Only when I’m extremely exhausted can I even manage a few hours of rest, besides it’s probably smart to be prep-…”

Hiaro pushed himself to his feet and strode over to him cutting off his explanation, reaching out to grab his waist. He burrowed his face inside the V of his robe nuzzeling the bared skin. Ron sucked in a breath and heard Hiaro mumble something in pleasure.

“Hiaro what exactly are you doing?” Ron asked trying to back up a little but failing miserably. To go backwards one didn’t lean into the touch of satin lips whispering across their skin in the lightest of caress. That’s exactly what he did even as he knew it was probably smarter to go to the library and stuff his brain full of head knowledge about the fae.

“I think I’m going to make you so exhausted you’ll sleep for a year Ron. I don’t like the shadows under your eyes or the tension in your body.” Hiaro answered before pressing a hot wet kiss to the place where his heart was beating a pounding rhythm in his chest. “Well maybe the tension, as long as I’m the one causing it.” Hiaro allowed.

Ron shivered and had to laugh a little. Hiaro certainly looked out for him, even when he didn’t want to. “Angelic, I’m married to an angel.” He teased dropping his head to capture those hot seeking lips of his with his own. Their lips mingled for a moment until Ron felt hands on the bare skin of his back, and those hands sought lower and lower until they rubbed and they…

Ron gave a yelp of surprise and pleasure, jumping back a little.

“That was not Angelic! I don’t even think that’s Allowed.”

Hiaro grinned, “That’s because I’m no angel. Want me to do it again?”

“If you did it again we might end up on the floor and seeing as we’re in the middle of a hall way…” Ron shrugged.

Hiaro frowned a little glancing around. “You are right about that Ron. We are very much in an open hall way. It would simply not do for you such a manly king to indulge in such impropriety. It would simply be scandalous for me to remove those pants of yours with my teeth and caress the skin I reveal with my lips. You’re ab---”

Hiaro laughed as Ron grabbed him and their lips met again and Ron pressed him against the stone wall.

“Propriety be damned” Ron muttered pressing hard against him his lips dancing across his throat.

Hiaro laughed “I thought you might see it my way.”
~~~~***7:00 pm Ireland***~~~~~

“How much farther Human!” Merrick snapped irritably for at least the third time in the last few minutes. They had been walking for hours, a feet Linkit and many of the other fae grumbled about, being forced to travel at a human speed. Sirius insisted on going with Severus to his destination, not appearing to want him out of his sight. A fact that made Severus grin smugly at Merrick.

Merrick glared back looking like he would like nothing better then to squash him. Losers were often sore.

“Do not taunt him Severus he is fae and dangerous the only reason he does not strike you, get rid of your interference is because he fears I might kill him in my rage.”

“He whines like a spoiled child who has not gotten his way. We are almost there, five more minutes at the worst. Your godson Harry will be glad to see you, are you sure you remember nothing of him.”

“Random images and pictures. There is a baby with raven hair and green eyes blinking at me. Then a scrawny teenager who is far too pale and looks as if he has grown far too fast without enough food to cover the new space with flesh.”

Severus threw back his head and laughed causing Narcissa to stare at him oddly and Merrick to grow red with rage. He hated the fact that he Sirius had a bond, it pointed out to him like nothing could that the two of them had to have already known each other and were more then likely right about being mates.

Of course he was right, the slimy moron could keep his hands off what was his from now on.

“That was Potter for a while! When you first saw him again after so many years in Azkaban he was thirteen skinny as a maypole and rather pathetic looking, due to his aunt and uncles treatment. Now that he’s fed and gained some muscle he looks…different…”

Sirius halted the head of the fae woman he carried rolling at his sudden stop. His eyes narrowed at Severus in suspension. He could have skipped his step was so light, his heart beating so erratically in his chest. Sirius was jealous! True the fact that it was Potter was ridiculous but it felt good just the same. Let Sirius feel what he himself felt every time Merrick opened his mouth.

“You are not close to this…Harry Are you Severus. He and I shall have to have a talk if this is so.”

“You have no idea how ridiculous you sound right now.”

“You’re enjoying it though, I can feel your amusement. I find nothing funny in it.”

“I do, while I waited in agony patiently for you to return to me. You were sleeping with that cretin` over there! So yes having you be the jealous one for a change is funny to me!”

“No human there is nothing funny about our situation.”

“Don’t call me human, I have a name and I don’t care how high and mighty you think you are you’re still just Sirius to me! So don’t get airs Black!”

“If I am your mate then this Harry must learn this! Just as Merrick must learn it.”

“Forget Harry! Harry already has a mate, I was teasing for lords sake! Your all in a snit over your own godson who might get sick at the very thought of us even being paired together! You have nothing, nothing to fear from him believe me. I should be the jealous one, not only is your ex lover complaining enough to make me want to shoot him but your also caring an extremely beautiful and naked woman in your arms!”

Sirius looked down to the fae woman he was caring as if he had forgotten her presence. He looked back up at him slow sexy grin spreading on his face. Severus felt his face flame and his pulse jump. The man was lethal!

“Shea? You have naught to fear from Shea despite her obvious nakedness. It is not she who I wish to see naked, not she who I wonder if I were to undress her would I remember the touch of her skin. Would I recognize the taste of her on my tongue. She can not enter my body the way you can and posses me? She can not claim me for her own until the blood rushes out of my head and…”

“Cirinde`! I have had enough of your foolishness! We have found Shea it is our duty to return to our realm! To return without years if not decades passing we must be in the circle by Midnight! You endanger all of us with your selfish delusions!” Merrick’s seething voice shattered the web of sensuality Sirius spun with his words.

Severus whipped around to face him in supreme annoyance. The bloody stupid fool, couldn’t he just accept that he had lost?

“You know just as well as I do Merrick that as long as we enter at the exact stroke of midnight on any night with the correct spells we can get back without any time passing. Cease your war mongering!” Sirius snapped his own annoyance showing.

“Besides Merrick, the aperating point is just up ahead.” Severus pointed to a clearing in the trees where there was a single and rather scraggly tree.

“How do we know we can trust this human!” Merrick insisted.

“If the human is Cir- I mean Sirius’s mate as they both seem to be insisting then he would do nothing to harm Sirius.” Linkit reasoned, and unlike Merrick he made an effort to call Sirius by his actual name.

“A fae might not, but a human knows nothing of our laws! Cirinde` to accept a human as your mate is to place your life in his hands. Humans are constantly turning on each other you will not survive the week!” Merrick rebuked heatedly.

“And we fae seem to be setting a prime example for them don’t we. Slaughtering our own, killing the innocent fighting like petty thieves! I can trust him as much as any fae male! I trust him more.” Sirius shot back. “Now cease! Severus lead the way.” Sirius said nodding towards the tree.

“Once we’re within five feet of the tree it will be possible to apearate. Then we’ll be directly inside Draco’s home.” Severus instructed.

“Inside an unknown humans stronghold?” Jinx whispered glancing warily at Linkit.
“Draco isn’t entirely human he and his mate are fae. Fire fae and…” He had meant to reassure them thinking they would trust one of their own. The reaction to this statement was instantaneous.

Sirius eyes flashed turning an electric blue to mirror that of Merrick, Jinx, and Linkit’s. Linkit’s wings fluttered in sudden agitation actually lifting him off the ground a little. The wind picked up as if sensing their sudden anger. Merrick shot forward and before Severus could even blink he found himself pinned to the ground Merrick’s blade pressed to his throat.

“VILE Traitorous human!” He spat.

“Merrick Cease your…” Sirius tried to intervene.

“HE Seeks to lead us to the fire fae! Our enemy, they are after Shea! He was bringing her to them! Now he seeks to lead us all to the same fate! You heard it from his own lips! We should slay him now and return to our own realm!”

Severus couldn’t help a cry of pain as that blade bit into the flesh of his throat, before it could go to far their was a buzzing sound and Merrick was being forced off him.

Severus blinked in shock as the two fae males fought, each appearing a blur of winged movement. Merrick had a sword Sirius’s bow did him no good at close range. Severus felt a bolt of fear slam into his chest fearing for Sirius safety yet again. But know Merrick depended too heavily on his sword for as he went to swipe a glancing blow at Sirius’s head Sirius was already blinking out of it’s path and reappearing behind him bow drawn the arrow head pressing into his back.

“You have gone mad Cirindi` he seeks to kill us all and in your lust you attack your own kind!” Merrick seethed looking ready to pop.

Sirius body was trembling with rage, he jabbed the arrow head into the skin of Merrick’s back. Merrick sucked in a harsh breath of pain but held still fearing that Sirius would let it fly.

“I told you if you touched him I would kill you Merrick. He is my mate and his life is held above your own. Above any fae in my company including my own. Including even Shea!”

“Your father would be dishonored if he could hear you. Shea would…” Merricks cry of outrage was interrupted by a soft and melodic female voice.

“Agree with him.”

Severus turned to stare in shock, Sirius had obviously had to drop the woman he carried when he attacked Merrick to protect him. She was now standing and very much awake.

Shea was the most beautiful woman Severus had ever seen. He skin was alabaster and seemed to glow with it’s own inner lights. Her eyes were deep and seemed to burn into his soul, they were the color of hot coals, of embers brightly glowing, of fire running rampant. Her hair was a river of molten fire flowing about her back seeming to shiver and move of it’s own accord. Beautiful beyond measure, but their was something frightening in her beauty. Something un namable and untouchable.

Merrick wisely and instantly fell silent staring at her in awe. Sirius lowerd his bow and and bowed in respect to the woman as she walked towards him. She walked with grace and a kind of energy forien to any woman Severus had ever seen. His eyes followed her, in frightened wonder. All was silent.

“Sirius Black, I had thought never to see your face again. You have been considered dead for many years now. Yet here you stand before me and with your fae blood in full manifest?” She addressed Sirius first her head tilted to one side.

Sirius blinked up at her, “You knew my former form milady?”

She gave nod that was both regal and playful all at once. “I did indeed up until your first death.” She shook her head at him a wistful smile playing on her lips.

“ Two rebirths…the first of your own doing the only rebirth you had the skill and the ability to perform. The second, an impossibility. You did not have a full fae form to revert to never having full fae blood in the first place. Yet here you stand.” A slow smile of heart stopping beauty spread on her face. “The old man has been up to his tricks again.”

Sirius eyes widened. “Merlin? The great wizard he has been dead for eons of years!”

Shea laughed low in her throat, “So have you Sirius and I repeat yet here you stand. The legends always say Merlin faded away never to be seen again and that is true. He did fade away never to be seen again. But dead, no, one must never speak of death without knowing it’s scopes.” She turned towards Severus and cast her smile on him.

Her eyes searched and scored his body shifting through his very soul and taking it’s measure.

“Do not worry Severus you pass my tests. You passed them long ago, we can trust this man. In fact he has done me a favor and made things easier. I have been searching for Draco Malfoy for a very long time.” Shea announced to the entire group.

Linkit and Jinx were still blinking at her like two besotted youths and nodded eagerly at her words. Merrick stiffened but said nothing.

Severus stared at her in puzzlement, she seemed to know them all. Well it was no wonder with her soul searching eyes that she might. Still it was odd how secretes seemed to dance behind her eyes, how she seemed to recognize them and know them personally.

“Just how did I pass your tests long ago. I do not know you? And the Sirius I knew never even had met a full blooded fae before!” He spoke aloud his doubts.

Jinx and Linkit both stared at him in shock as if he had to be off his rocker to question one such as Shea.

Shea’s eyes twinkled.

Severus gasped and then he knew. He stared at her with growing shock and if he was honest a little revulsion.

“ALBUS?” he nearly shrieked. He would know that twinkle anywhere.

Shea threw back her head and laughed. The very forest around them seemed to lean in to be closer to her laughter. “Oh I was considering killing you Severus for your insolence but that more then makes up for it. Albus! That meddling old fool? Nah I tell you. You have only ever known me by one name. And that is Phox.”
~~~~~***~~~~~

He flew with all his strength… if he could just reach Falcon Ridge in time. He could warn the great master, he could send a message to Shea.

“HALT FALLON!”

He flew his wings beating for all that his young life was worth. He was carrying the most precious of burdens, the future of their very world in his hands.

A jet of flame shot out in front of him, there was not enough time for him to slow his momentum carried him through the flame scalding his entire body catching on his wings sending pain screaming through his back.

He let out a harsh cry of light as three pairs of taloned Pheonix swarmed in for their victory.

He plummeted to the earth spinning like a top hurtling towards ground. As he crashed through the dense foliage and trees surrounding Falcon Ridge he could only give thanks that he had reached it. Merlin’s magic would protect him and buy him time. His body hit the ground with shattering force and Fallon knew no more. In his arms lay a long thin wrapped bundle.

MBTM

2007-02-13T19:07:37Z

There seems to be some trouble finding my latest update. Lol. Go to the callender see where it says Feb. 8th? Click the number eight. See the entry titled MBTM(update) thats it. There is a link in their thats green it either says read more or chpt or something like that. Click that.

Into the dark (READ)

2007-02-13T01:27:36Z

http://community.livejournal.com/hprplluv/.

Check it out just an Idea I'm trying out. I was part of one of these on another site and we had a lot of fun. Hope it gets off the ground.

MBTM (quick question)

2007-02-08T04:25:40Z

How many of you are waiting for an update from this story. (so I can figure out how much time I have to upload before rioting begins) lol no the real reason is I might take a two week trip and I'm debating on updating before or after. If there are allot of people I would feel bad when it's nearly done. But if there is like no one I will hold off.

LOTF

2007-01-14T00:36:40Z

When Harry woke it was with a stinging headache. As if he had drunk to much fire whisky the night before and it was exacting its toll. The setting sun was peaking through his shuttered windows and he groaned. He'd missed all his afternoon sessions with Hizen and the other masters. Why had he slept so long? Then it all came back in a blazing rush of memory. He moaned and buried his head in his pillow.

What the hell was the matter with him? Why had he done that? As he lay there he felt something close to disgust seep into his gut. Ron was right; he'd turned into some kind of filthy whore begging for a stiff taking from just about anyone. No! Those where not tears gathering in his eyes! He balled his fists in the bed sheets and gritted his teeth forcing them back. He had been out of control driven by some otherworldly need to take and be taken. Even now in the midsts of his regret just the memory of it had him stiffening and raising in his pants. Pants stiff from being wet and drying that way. His shirt was no where to be seen and there where bite marks on his shoulder.

"I prepared you a bath, thought you might want to clean yourself off before Ron sees you." Hermione, said coming out of his bathroom. He could hear the sound of water running and the light smell of scented soap. He would have smiled at her but he was uncertain of her mood and what she thought of all of this. She glanced at him and gave him a wobbly smile.

"Don't worry I'm not as dense as Ron, I'm not going to cry rape or anything like that. I will however ask you if you know what your doing?" She asked on a sigh, she sat down at the edge of his bed. She looked so troubled and sad, as if he weren't mad at Ron enough he was suddenly even more so. Whatever Ron had done to hurt Hermione he was going to pay for.

"No I don't actually. Don't worry though this is hardly the first time in my life I've been lost." Harry assured her. She nodded absently her eyes drifting to the door. She wasn't seeing anything though; she had the look of a person with their thoughts a million miles away. It took the door creaking part way open for her to break her daze. Into the room slid Slyfer, who in the past two weeks had reached the size of a Great Dane. He had taken to unfolding those great wings of his and then flapping them as if testing their strength. He slid in the elegant lizard like way of the dragon to the bed post near Hermione's feet.

"Well tell her to pick me up my wings aren't quiet ready yet!" He demanded in his usual arrogance. He had gotten used to the lizards biting tongue and forthright manner. He was actually very good company once you got past his superior attitude and seeming dislike for humans. The thing with Slyfer was he was mostly all smoke and very little bite. He didn't disdain humans as much as he would like people to think; after all he had been raised by one. At night some times he would sneak into his room and regal Harry with tales of their adventures in Brazil .

Draco had saved his egg from being eaten by another animal, true it was with the intention of eating it himself. Food was often sparse in the jungle and it had been years since he had eggs for breakfast. That in itself was testimony to young and inexperienced thinking. It never accrued to him as he carried this egg around that their might be something growing in it. In the morning instead of eggs for breakfast he had discovered a baby dragon curled in the ruins of its shell.

Harry didn't realize he was smiling until Slyfer snapped, "You want to stop grinning like a love sick ninny and get me up there?"

Harry rolled his eyes and gestured for Hermione to pick up the dragon. He gave her a comforting pat at her look of hesitancy. He was huge his head positioned well over the bed frame, he could have just jumped but he liked to do things the hard way. It was pretty funny watching Hermione struggle with the huge beast. He could tell Slyfer was enjoying causing someone else extra work. Hermione was the least amused of course and shot the dragon a scathing look once she'd settled him on the bed.

"Well if you two are going to sit here and chat, then I better leave. Oh and Ron will probably be up here sooner or later so if you want to wash and change I’d do it soon." She advised. She rose from the bed and began to shuffle away. She looked so down hearted in that moment that as much as he wanted to talk with Slyfer alone he couldn't send her away. Hermione was in many ways his sister and he didn't like her being unhappy.

"’Mione, stay. You shouldn't let something Ron say's or does bother you. You two have been taking bites out of each other for years. Whatever he's said now isn't any different." he counseled, she turned something lost swimming in her eyes. She stared at him rather forcefully.

"Is that why you refuse to talk to him these days then Harry?" Harry flinched she had a point. This was different though from their usual squabbles. This wasn't about not doing a spell correctly or not caring enough about the feelings of house elves. Ron had called him a whore!

"Would you like it if he called you a whore?" At this bitted admission, Hermione paled and shook her head. There was sheen of tears in her eyes. She shook and Harry frowned something was really upsetting her. "’Mione what is it. Come on didn't we promise to tell each other everything?" He coxed. She turned to him eyes swimming a look of desolation on her face.

"Ron would never say that to you, Ron would never have taken that sword and he wouldn't be crazy enough to try and revive the dead! Don't you see he wouldn't have left his post! Not when it meant leaving his brothers unprotected and his sister was along with us! I didn't think too much about it because he was looking at me so...I wanted him to kiss me I'd been waiting so long. When he did, it hurt Harry. It burned and I felt like something was trying to invade me. I could hear screaming Harry...he was screaming telling me I had to stop to fight it or we'd both be..." She gulped a sob breaking loose. Harry reached out gathering her to his chest. She wasn't making any sense.

She was talking about the night of Ginny's death he knew. When Ron had left his post too... Harry frowned. To what, kiss Hermione? She was right he could have done that when he got off watch, instead he had left his post leaving Fred and George alone and their backs unguarded. Ron loved his family too much to do that, not for a kiss. And Ron wouldn't call him something so hurtful! Even when they had fought in their fourth year he hadn't actually called Harry names. And he hadn't even worn one of those ‘Potter Stinks’ badges, even when they fought both of them didn't really want to hurt the other. For the first time the oddity of what had happened that night fully struck him, there where too many holes and unexplained behavior on Ron’s part.

Hermione trembled in his arms gulping back tears. "Then I started to enjoy it, it was like I was forgetting or blocking out that Ron was warning me to stop. Begging me to break away and warn you. His voice faded from my mind and all I could think about was this was Ron and we were finally doing what we both wanted to do. That's when I felt him, he was there and he was gloatingly gleefully happy. V-Voldemort was triumphant and I could feel him reaching out to as if he was going to touch me and I was going to loose myself. That's when we heard Fred scream and I broke away. Nothings been right since that night Harry, he hasn't been right something happened to him and I'm afraid I'm never going to get him back."

Harry held his friend as she cried, was she right? Had something happened to Ron while he was on watch had Voldemort done something to his best friend? Harry felt rage simmer in his belly, Voldemort had hurt the people he loved for the last time. And it was obvious he didn't want him and Draco uniting why else make Ron try and keep them apart? Well he was going to learn not to fuck with him or his friends. And he'd be damned if he let things continue as they where going.

"Hermione I need you to keep what you just told me to yourself." at her nod he soothed her back with his hand. It wouldn't do to let the enemy know he was on to him.

*****HP*****DM*****HP*****DM*****HP*****DM*****HP*****DM*****HP*****DM*****HP*****DM*****HP*****DM

Draco was surprised as to how hungry he was, he felt as if he could inhale an entire horse. Then ask when the main course was coming. His mood was in the pits as it where. One Weasley had gotten the best of him; it really wasn’t fair to attack someone when they had their back turned. And now that he thought on it had he been expecting it he might have knocked Weasley on his arse like he deserved.

He had been caught off guard so now there was a slight rash on his back, and Weasley was probably off in his room chuckling to himself. The next time he saw that dick he was going to teach him what real power was. Hang him indeed, just let him try. Although Harry might not appreciate him rearranging his best mates face. Draco sighed; there was another problem in itself. Harry was going to wake up and be in prissy denial of everything they had done together. He’d want to tear into him as much as Weasley did. And he wouldn’t fight against Harry. At least not now, he was still raw from the memory of watching Harry go up in flames.

In that moment when he had thought Harry was dieing he had realized how much pain that would bring him. His lungs had wanted to stop laboring for breath and a shudder of revulsion had rolled through his being. He never wanted to relive the feeling of loosing Harry. He had missed dinner being as he was passed out in his bathtub, where he had crawled to after Weasley’s surprising show of power. And this raging sense of hunger in his belly had finally woken him. It looked as if the sun had just finished setting and people where milling about doing whatever they did with their time in the evenings.

As he walked towards the kitchens in the castle many members of the order tossed him scathing looks of censure. He ignored those but surprisingly enough most just stared in contemplation, as if they had not quiet gotten his measure but were slowly coming to a conclusion. He shifted and continued onward.

When he reached the great hall he got another surprise, he wasn’t the only one late in getting a meal. Seamus and Dean sat at a table alone, the darker boy slipping his spoon into his lovers’ mouth in compatible conversation. Every time he looked at those two he got a little sick, and he couldn’t fool himself as to why.

What would it be like to actually be sure of yourself, to wake up and have Harry greet him with kisses instead of cusses? When they ate he would feed Harry his breakfast while entertaining him with idle chatter. What would it be like if Harry looked at him the way Seamus looked at Dean? With adoration and pride, instead of resentment and animosity, he sighed looking at those two was beginning to depress him.

He made to walk past them knowing that as former Griffendors and friends of Harry’s they would prefer not to eat with him. That’s when he received his second surprise of the evening. Instead of letting him pass and tossing glares of malice at him. Seamus actually tore his attention away from Dean to clasp his arm.

“Hey wait, sit down eat with us!” He invited that quirky smile Draco remembered from their school days on his face. He used to hate that goofy grin. What did Seamus have to smile about after all? He was a half-breed whose own father hadn’t loved him enough to stick around. He wasn’t dirt poor like Weasel but close enough to it that Draco would not be smiling if he were in his position.

Not to mention he had been a Gryffindor and a friend of Harry’s. Reason enough in his young mind to hate Seamus. He still couldn’t believe how blind the rest of his classmates had been. There’d always been one person for Seamus, his best mate. Who was always hanging by his side, getting into scrapes with him? Who always defended Dean even when he was wrong?

And besides whenever Dean went out with someone else Seamus appeared hurt, he’d quickly mask it. When Draco had found him in the boys’ lavatory balling about how many sluts this school seemed to be harboring, Draco had been convinced that Seamus didn’t want to be just “friends” with his best mate. He’d always wondered how Dean would take that admission.

He’d shuddered at the image of either Crabbe or Goyle professing love to him, and left Seamus to his tears. He’d never treated any of them with anything but disdain and Seamus was beaming up at him like he’d discovered a new friend. He stared the sandy haired youth down, searching for where this sudden change had come from.

He looked like the same old Finnegan to him. Not quite blonde but not quite brown haired either. Tall for his age yet shorter then Draco himself; his features not so much handsome more like irresistibly cute. And he was smiling as usual reeking of Irish charm and British school boy upbringing.

“I think your scaring him Sea; you might want to explain why you want him to.” Dean advised an amused grin spreading on his face. Seamus nodded and turned to Draco that smile of his widening.

“Well it’s just that eating with everybody else is like chocking on ice, so that’s why Dean and I started eating alone. I just figured now that you’ve worked things out, with yourself and Harry, you two might want to eat with us and let Ron and Hermione come to terms, ye ken?” He explained slipping into Irish slang. He’d been spending too much time over there; he was making very little sense.

“I have to thank you by the way, whatever magic you spin when you’re with Harry it’s addictive. I just had the best afternoon of mi life mate.” Seamus said with a grin tugging Draco into a seat beside him. Draco stared at him in shock. He thought him and Harry where together? Like he and Dean where together? Boy did he wish that were true, but over Harry’s dead body he was sure.

Dean grinned a dawning light entering his eyes and winked at Seamus. “I have you to thank for that? Well thanks Malfoy but I got to say if it’s like that every time for you what the hell were you waiting for?”
He was about to answer that, to correct Seamus in his misconception that he and Harry where in love and a couple when Harry strode into the hall. Draco felt his mouth go dry. How could anyone look so handsome in a pair of slacks and a t-shirt? Maybe it was because the clothing was tight in all the right places or the color contrasted and complemented his hair all at the same time. Maybe it was just Harry.

A Harry that was going to be extremely angry that he had succumbed to the mating heat, and give Seamus’ rosy idea that he and Draco where a happy couple a rude awakening. Tonight seemed a night for surprises though because when Harry caught sight of him he didn’t bluster with anger. His eyes flashed brilliant green and he sauntered forward. When had he learned how to move his body like that? As if he danced to some deep elemental rhythm designed just for him.

The air in the room instantly heated and he heard Dean gasp and Seamus giggle. “See what I mean, it’s like their giving away sexual energy.” He whispered into Dean’s ear. Draco was not paying much attention to them; Harry had nearly reached them, his hips swaying in a masculine yet sexy motion as he walked. His hair fanning out in black lochs around his face. When he reached them he stood in front of Draco a slight smile on his face.

"Harry, you’re awake." Draco stammered, he groaned inwardly he sounded like a nervous school boy. Harry grinned and gestured for him to scoot over. Draco complied and Harry took a seat.

"Yeah, if you're going to make a habit of making me pass out maybe we shouldn't be working together." Draco stared at Harry in shock. Was Harry teasing him, and not ribbing teasing but playful teasing? Who was this vision before him and what had he done with Harry? Was he still being swayed by mating heat? Or did he not regret what they had done together in the garden. Harry grabbed a plate of something from the platter in the middle of the table and began to eat. Draco watched him in shocked silence.

"So who's Alex?” Harry's question caught him so off guard that Draco almost fell off his chair. Harry gazed at him inquisitively motioning with one hand for him to share. What the hell was this? Draco wondered as he continued to stare at Harry in stupefied wonder. Harry rolled his eyes and set down his fork. "Look Draco if you think I'm going to get all anal about what happened out there; I'm not. Can't say as I'm thrilled about this new development and I still don't know what that makes me. At the risk of giving you an even more inflated sense of self worth I have to admit it was just too damn good for me to want to forget it ok. And I was serious about wanting to know you so let’s start with basics, who's this Alex kid Slyfer keeps mentioning and you kept moaning about before I passed out?"

Draco blinked at him, and then cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Alex was a boy I met in New York City . I saved him from a band of Death Eaters and since he didn't have any family to go home to anymore he started traveling with me."

Harry frowned and took a bite of the meat on his plate. Watching Harry put things in his mouth was doing something funny to his nerve endings. "How did you explain that to them later?" Harry asked.

Draco snorted in disgust, just when he'd been fooled into thinking Harry had gained some sense. "I didn't have to explain anything being as I'm not a Death Eater and dead men don't ask any questions." he snapped. Harry frowned and placed a slice of fruit on his tongue and sucked it into his mouth. Despite the fact that he was angry at him Draco couldn't help but wish that it was his own tongue or other part of his antonym in Harry's mouth.

"You’re not a Death Eater?" Harry asked, putting his fork down again to stare puzzled at him. Leave it to Harry; he had admitted to killing a bunch of men and Harry was concerned about where his allegiance at the time had lain.

"Why do you and you're little friends insist on labeling me as a Death Eater!" He asked exasperated with how dense Harry could be at times.

Harry eyed him a small glint of amusement showing in his eyes as he gestured towards Draco's arm. "Maybe that fancy tattoo you got there on your arm?"

Well Harry did have a point there, Draco thought as he fought back a grin. He shook his head rolling up his sleeve to reveal flawless skin. There was no Dark Mark in sight. "Well I did have it before, that's true but the first time I went Fae it disappeared in the fire. It seems even Voldemort's magic couldn't compare to a Fire Faes. Besides I haven't been a Death Eater for years, Voldemort doesn't welcome weak little boys who can’t even get rid of weakened old men."

Silence fell between them at the reminder of Dumbledore's death. Harry had stiffened in his seat his eyes going cool where before there had been warmth. Draco felt a pang of loss, was their truce to be so short lived then?

"You set him up Draco. You helped weaken him till he wasn't strong enough to fight back. You may not have done the shooting but you loaded the gun and handed it to them. How am I supposed to forget that, or to forgive it?"

He was right he had regretted every moment of his actions since the night he'd done them. He'd set out to do it to avenge this injustice done to his father. Spouting and believing all the things he'd taught to him over the years. His father was in prison their estate seized his mother grieving he'd wanted someone to suffer. The world had dealt him so many unfair blows; Voldemort had promised him so much. He'd also scared the shit out of him and in the actual doing of it he'd found out rapidly that he was in over his head.

He'd never been more scared in his life, more certain that he was going to die at the hands of a man holey evil. Some of the acts he had seen first hand Voldemort commit had left him sick and shaking. Voldemort had known little Malfoy wasn't fit to be a Death Eater. Those eyes had born into his soul and laughed at him, as if to promise that when his nerve failed him he would finish Dumbledore himself and gladly let Draco join him. He shivered at the memory of those eyes. And he'd been right when it came down to it, when Dumbledore had turned those eyes on him. He hadn't been able to kill someone good in the name of Evil.

So he and Snape had run neither would ever be welcomed amongst Dark or Light wizards again. Snape had killed his benefactor and friend but betrayed the other Death Eaters by saving Draco from the Dark Lords wrath. They had a wanted sticker on their heads on both sides. It was only because he was needed now that they hadn't sent him to Azkaban or worse.

"I know, and I have regretted every day since." Harry couldn't believe it, Malfoy was telling the truth. He hadn't been faking regret or terror that night. He could feel it; it was coming off of Draco in waves. He could feel his pain, his remorse and a fear of rejection in him. He didn't question how that was possible he reveled in it. He opened his mouth to say something when from behind them Ron spoke.

"Bull shit Malfoy. Once a Death Eater always a Death Eater, I don't care how you magicked away that mark!" Harry saw Draco stiffen as everyone turned too gap at Ron.

"Hey Ron, give over will you. The mans just trying to eat his dinner. Can't you cut him some?" Dean admonished shaking his head at Ron.

Ron tossed Dean a scathing look of disgust and replied "Silence! I thought better of you Dean, but what can you expect. You seem to share in Malfoy’s delight of having something shoved up your arse." He looked around the table and laughed. "Did I interrupt the meeting of shirt pushers? So sorry continue on then."

Dean gaped at Ron in shock. He'd never had a problem with him and Seamus before. True he'd been uncomfortable seeing two males kiss for the first time. In fact it had been almost comical how he tried to hide his discomfort, but he had gotten better at that. To the point where it truly hadn't mattered to him. So what the hell was this?

Seamus glared at Ron all traces of his usual smile gone in a blazing display of temper. "What bloody crawled up yer arse and bit you a new hole? If you have a problem with Harry and Malfoy being together that's your own deal!"

Dean felt a flash of pride in Seamus he sure was little minx at times but he could hold his own in a fight. When Ron's eyes flashed amber he felt a flash of fear. There was something dangerous about him, warning bells where going off inside his head. He Reached out and grabbed Seamus' hand yanking him back into his seat farther away from Weasley.

Weasley snorted in disdain, "It's not just Malfoy, although that's bad enough. It’s all of you! What is it about being desperate that turns men into whores! My sister dumps you Dean and you’re willing to take it up the arse for a little affection like a good little slut."

That ripped it and tore it for Dean, Weasley was begging for a beating. He shoved to his feet brushing aside Seamus’ hands trying to halt him. Pulling out his wand he walked over to stand face to face with Weasley, aware that Seamus, Harry and Draco had also risen to stand at his back.

"I was a slut and a whore? How many boyfriends did your sister go through too get to Harry? Showing off too get his attention, dumping me for no reason other then Harry had finally started to notice her. If I'm a whore I don't know what the hell that made her!" Dean watched in satisfaction as Weasley’s eyes blazed with rage after shooting Harry an apologetic glance.

Draco expected Harry to fly off the handle as he always did one some one slandered Weaselette. Surprise, Harry did nothing more then wince. He balled his fists and continued to stare Weasley down. Draco felt something warm and gooey pooling in his belly. Harry was standing against his best friend, with him. He wanted to open his wings and soar, to roar out his joy to the sky. His mate was standing by him!

"You aren't worth half of what she was Dean! So shut your filthy trap!" Ron seethed taking a threatening step forward. Dean raised his wand but Harry stepped forward pushing it aside. He stood facing his best mate, body braced for battle features elegant and graceful even under strain. Was it possible to overflow with pride an warmth, and did he dare believe that this was real and Harry was not still being deluded by mating heat and would take it all back in the morning.

"And neither are you. I may not agree with her methods of getting me but once she had me your sister was worth ten of you. She wouldn't turn her back on her friends because she didn't agree with their partners. She didn't abandon you did she when you made an ass of yourself with Lavender did she? She'd have your ass on the floor hexed to your ears if she where here right now. And if we weren't friends I'd do it for her! Whatever the hell has gotten into you Weasley it better stop!"

Weasley stared in shock at Harry; never had Harry refused to use his name. That was a punishment reserved for his enemies. Draco could feel Harry's resolve but also answering pain. Weasley’s words had hurt and standing against him hurt, but he'd done it. He felt a rage simmer in his gut, how dare Weasley take their friendship and toss it in Harry's face. He felt his fangs lengthen, Weasley was begging for a lesson and he was going to teach it to him. Harry's hand shot out to grip his arm. He shook his head.

"He's my best friend."

"He's tainted Harry; Voldemort’s done something to him."

"I know that, I think I can save him."

"You can't save everyone Harry."

Even as he said this his fangs were retracting and his anger cooling, the feel of Harry’s hand on his arm was doing funny things to his body. Harry smiled at him and rubbed his arm comfortingly before turning back to Weasley.

"You don't have any idea what I do to people who hurt my friends. Remember that." Harry warned.

His eyes had flashed a brilliant and dangerous green and the air had rippled with power, a jolt of it had rushed into his own body through the hand on his arm. Harry was not talking about Weasley’s comments he was talking directly to his one true enemy knowing that somewhere he was watching. Draco felt a shiver of apprehension as Harry turned away from Ron and they all began walking away. Harry wasn't strong enough to directly challenge the Dark Lord his mate was too reckless by far.

"Stop that, do you have some deep seeded death wish?"

"No I was just giving him fair warning; whatever he did to Ron the bastards paying for it"

"Yeah but have you ever heard of hiding your hand before you play it."

"Why do that when you can…"

Harry never finished he felt a blinding splitting pain in his head that knocked him off his feet. He let out a scream of pain, thrashing back and forth to avoid the sensation of being stabbed over and over again. He was bleeding it felt like his scare had split open as blood ran down his face.

Draco stared in shock as Harry crumpled then whipped around to face Weasley whose eyes where burning amber and a tiny smile played on his lips. His fangs burst forward in his mouth and instantly he was flame, it shot up his arms in a mesmerizing dance. Voldemort wanted to play, then let them play.

Hey

2007-01-13T19:42:57Z

Hi everyone still uploading chapters for lord of the fae, sorry it's taking ages. Anyway... a while ago I started goofing off with pictures and creating wall papers. Since LJ allows gallery hosting I decided to share them! Hee hee !right now only two pictures are up loaded but go ahead and check them out. It's under Lord of the fae.

http://pics.livejournal.com/ayueedigoshi/pic/00002bhq/s640x480

http://pics.livejournal.com/ayueedigoshi/pic/0000111b